A THANKSGIVING LETTER

MOM
A thank you--
For being gentle but strong,
For letting me lean on you when I should have been there to let you lean on me,
For making me laugh about nothing in particular,
For our routine two-a-day phone calls and simultaneous sighs,
For shopping trips, lunch-dates, and late-night snacks,
A thank you for being my best friend.

DAD
A thank you--
For going through pain and fighting to be here,
For helping me pick a dress to wear for a big night out,
For drinking gin and tonics with me after a stressful day,
For teaching me how to be a survivor in many different ways,
For encouraging me to follow my dreams,
A thank you for calling me babe and making me still feel like your little girl.

JOHN
A thank you--
For holding our parent's hands while I can't be there,
For letting me curl up on your couch and listen to me spill my guts,
For sending me pictures of your dinner and encouraging me to be a more adventurous cook,
For sharing Amy with me and giving me a sister I cherish as my own,
For taking care of our family,
A thank you for making me feel insanely proud to be your sister. 

LUKE
A thank you--
For sitting in the waiting room for days on end and not complaining once,
For letting me collapse into your arms and picking me back up,
For forehead kisses, back rubs, tucking me in at night, and unconditional love,
For slow-dancing in the kitchen while we overcook the bacon,
For forcing me to take Pepto-bismal when my tummy hurts,
A thank you for changing our lives and choosing to share yours with mine.

KRISTY
A thank you--
For taking care of my father like he was your own,
For getting us chairs and letting us camp out in your work-space,
For the phone calls, messages, and big hugs,
For your bedside manner, calm voice, and reassuring words,
For getting excited with us,
A thank you for becoming a part of our family and keeping my father here.

ALAINA, CANON, ROSS, SARA, MIKE, KELLY, JAY, FABI, HOLLI, & TRAVIS
A thank you--
For being my home away from home,
For wine nights, oyster shooters, and early morning mimosas,
For being good people and inspiring me to be better,
For checking up on me when I needed it,
For sharing laughter and tears and holiday meals,
A thank you for this brief but beautiful period I will never forget.

ART, JEFF, JOE, UNCLE TOM

A thank you--

For finding time for a visit or phone call,

For sharing stories over hospital food and waiting for the doctor with us,

For offering to get me home when I need it,

For enticing my dad to get better with projects and fishing trips,

For all of your encouraging words and smiles,

A thank you for your dedication and friendship and sharing this miracle with us.

NIKKI

A thank you--

For answering your phone while I'm stuck in traffic,

For making the effort to make sure we stay close,

For growing into a girl I'm impressed by,

For caring about my family like they are yours too,

For reminding me that God works in mysterious ways,

A thank you for sticking with me through all of these years.

A million different thank yous to all of you for touching my life in so many ways.
Thank you for blessing my life.

A STORY OF HELL, BLOOD, AND A WHOLE LOT OF HEART

Sunday, November 6th, early afternoon:                                                         
"Alright, Diz. I'll be back in a bit. I'm running to the grocery store," my mother softly yelled as she climbed into her car.
"Ok," my father responded. He was puttering around in the garage before he cut the grass.

An hour or two passed.
My mother returned but the grass hadn't been cut. She piled heavy grocery bags on to her arms and followed a lugubrious trail of blood to our back door.
"You had to go shopping," my father said, sitting on the couch and holding a soggy blood-stained cloth to his face.
"Are you okay, what happened?" she asked, panicked.
"I fell."
"You fell? What do you mean you fell?" my mother asked confused.
"Call Doctor Pepe, I think I broke a tooth."

Hours passed.
Every towel, napkin, and tampon was thrown in the trashcan, soaked in shades of red.
"Seriously, Diz. We need to get you to a hospital," my mother urged.
After an unnecessary amount of prompting, my dad finally agreed to go.

Forty-five minutes later my phone rang.
"Care, we're at Jefferson hospital. Dad was getting ready to cut the grass and fell. The doctor said he broke his jaw. They are going to check on his heart because we still don't know why he's been passing out. They think it was another heart attack."
For months, off and on, my father has been winded, weak, and having fainting spells. His Primary Care Physican said his numbers looked good and it was nothing much to worry about.
"Shit," I said. I hope he's okay, let me know what they say."
"Dad will be here overnight. I'll update you in the morning."

Immediately, I called my brother.
"John, dad is in the hospital. He HAD to cut the grass. He knows he shouldn't cut the grass anymore," I complained.
"I know," he continued, "I wish he'd just hire someone. This would have never happened..."
That night we had no idea what was about to come.

Monday, November 7th, early morning:
I felt like calling my father to say hi but I didn't. It'd be impossible to talk with a broken jaw, I thought.

I headed to work and exchanged text messages with my mom.
Everything seemed to be okay.
"Update me throughout the day," I begged.

My parents sat in the hospital room. My Dad had breakfast. He said it was the best cream of wheat he's ever had. My Mom imagined it was the morphine talking.

"I'm going to grab you a few pairs of underwear. You'll feel better when you're freshened up," my mother said.
"Make it a few," he replied, "It might be a few more days."
"Okay. I'll be back shortly."


 
It has been 15 days since that conversation.
It has been 15 days since my parents have talked.
In that time, my father has coded, gone in to cardiac arrest, and received CPR for 40 minutes. With no pulse but a hint of electrical activity, his body kept fighting and the doctors did too.

It's not his time, we pleaded desperately.
Please dad, please stay.
Luke and I drove home to be by his side. Together, me and my family held on to each other, tighter than ever before.

In addition to his broken jaw and bruised face, he has a matching set of fractured ribs and tubes that go in and out of places you wouldn't want to imagine.
2 Liters of fluid has been drained from his chest as he fights pneumonia and a tracheostomy has replaced his ventilator for assisted breathing.
He underwent a risky procedure, receiving a new stint which took a 95% blockage to 0. He is being supplied blood-pressure medication, Ativan, Fentanyl, Dopamine, units of blood, and nutrition to keep him stable.
His gut is inflamed from the CPR and the doctors aren't quite sure how much damage his brain sustained.

I've gone through the grieving process three times now.
But, after two long and torturous weeks of small steps forward and backward, we celebrate.

Today, my father opened his eyes, conscious and aware, and smiled.

He has been weaned off many of the IV's and can sit in a chair. My mother rushed over, painfully excited to re-connect. He grabbed her hand, pulled it up to his mouth, and gave it a kiss.
"Care loves you, she's constantly thinking about you," she reminded him. He mouthed back "Tell her I love her, too."

For the next few hours, my mother filled him in on the past two weeks. Shortly after, my brother and godfather arrived, excited to connect and share stories. They watched my dad's eyes light up and his face fill with expression. Everyone was in awe.

And while we know we have a long road ahead, we linger on the word 'ahead'.
The word that keeps inspiring us.
The idea that there's a future.
Letters that we hang onto like they're as precious as gold.

There are still plenty of hurdles to overcome but for today, we all celebrate. And tonight, I go to sleep knowing I have my dad.

To anyone who is reading this:
If you think its a bother to call someone you love, call them anyway. It's worth thinking you're annoying.

If you think you're too busy to visit your parents, find the time. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

If you're overly stressed about money, forget about it. You can't take it with you.

And to everyone who has been a support to me and my family during this difficult time, tonight, celebrate with us too.

TO THOSE OF YOU, A LETTER OF GRATITUDE

To those of you who have prayed for us,

or put a full meal in our bellies,

or gave us a laugh when we needed it most--

To those of you who sat at his bedside,

or picked up the phone,

or gave us hugs and held us close--

To childhood neighbors,

and best friends, students,

and old classmates I thought were a ghost--

To those of you who still think of us,

or lift a little of our weight,

Thank you for being here when we need you most.

TODAY

Today,
I have re-read every message,
Checked every missed call,
And thought about how I can be in touch with you from afar.

Its hard to do simple things,
Like wash my clothes,
Or make the bed,
Without thinking of you and wondering.

Is this it for us?
Its painful to imagine,
I kneel on the floor pitifully,
And beg for you back.

If I told you I'd move to Pittsburgh,
Would it make you stay?
I'd pack my bags in a second,
Just please don't go.

Today,
I sit idly and wait.
Hands and heart shaky,
My breaths, shallower than before.

Please,
Dad,
We are not ready.
Please, Dad,
Find your way home.

THE FIGHT, A LETTER TO MY FATHER

Dad,

You are worth leaving work mid-day for,
I know my students will know what to do.

You are worth sitting in a car for half a day and being stuck in Charlotte traffic,
Luke held my hand the entire 10 hours.

You are worth the tears that stream down my face,
So many, my head hurts and I wonder if I can possibly make any more.

You are worth sleepless nights and starting our day at 4:30,
It's hard to close our eyes for too long.

You are worth being afraid of the sound of a telephone ringing,
Every beep, every bell is stressful to hear.

You are worth being camped out in the ICU waiting room,
Our friends and family have been a great support.
By the way, thank you.

You are worth the 40 minutes of CPR,
The broken ribs will heal on their own.

You are worth praying for when I wasn't sure I believed in God,
I've already seen him work miracles in you.

You are worth brushing the hair off of your forehead even when I know you are not awake,
The gentle squeeze of your hand lets me know that you knew.

You are worth sitting in between a sea of machines,
Watching you nod your head and open your eyes gives us new hope.

You are worth asking doctors questions I'm not sure I want the answers to,
I am no longer afraid and trust in their work.

You are worth writing this letter for,
Although my thoughts are scattered, I need this too.

Dad,
You are worth fighting every minute for,
Even though we've been told you're the sickest patient in this hospital, we know you can make it through.

So when you wake up and read this, whether weeks or months from now,
Know you are worth it.

We are here fighting with you.

BEARS THAT SCARE, CHILDHOOD HALLOWEEN MOVIES

I've had a long-standing tradition each October to have a Halloween movie marathon. It started when I was just a peanut watching "Charlie Brown And The Great Pumpkin". My fascination with horror grew into my formative years and "The Puppet Master" series quickly became a staple (our neighbor at the end of the block always dressed up like one of the characters- what a guy). As I became older, my taste in horror evolved. My high school years were filled Jason, Freddy, and Michael from AMC's Fright Fest and currently, you'll find the classics like "Frankenstein" and "Psycho" plastered across my television screen.

Each year that passed without a proper showing felt empty- like I missed the greatest part of fall. But looking back at all of my years of Halloween Horror, some of my fondest memories came from where it all started: my childhood. Take a walk down memory lane with me and re-watch some of the best Halloween classics from tots to teens.

Elvira Mistress of the Dark

1 Sentence Synopsis: Hot babe tries to get dead aunt's inheritance.

Quote: "Oh well, there's nothing wrong with G-rated movies, as long as there's lots of sex and violence."

Notes: Witty, campy, & downright hilarious. One of my favorites.



The Midnight Hour

1 Sentence Synopsis: A scandalous teenager rager unlocks evil.

Quote: "The party could go on forever."

Notes: I felt ultra-cool after I watched this.




The Little Monsters

1 Sentence Synopsis: Monsters under the bed? Say no more.

Quote: "Who put piss in my apple juice?"

Notes: I watched this as a kid in a hotel room and it scared the hell out of me.  



The Monster Squad

 1 Sentence Synopsis: Essentially, the Goonies meet Frankenstein.

Quote: "Wow, Wolfman's got nards!"

Notes: Dark and nostalgic, perfect for Halloween. My boyfriend's favorite.



Halloweentown

1 Sentence Synopsis: Young witches save a land of monsters.

Quote: "Being normal is vastly overrated."

Notes: Cute and quirky. You gotta love Aunt Agie and the giant Jack-O-Lantern.


Double Double Toil & Trouble 

1 Sentence Synopsis: Darling twins steal a magic moonstone from their evil aunt.

Quote: "These people have been reading too much Stephen King."

Notes: A nice mixture of scary and sweet. Aunt Agatha gave me nightmares.


The Halloween Tree

1 Sentence Synopsis: Children learn the origin of Halloween.

Quote: "But suddenly, the day was gone. Night came out from under each tree and spread.”

Notes: Remember what it's like to be a kid and relive trick-o-treating in Ray Bradbury's animated classic


Halloween is Grinch Night
1 Sentence Synopsis: Its Grinch Night and the Grinch must be stopped!

Quote: "It's a wonderful night for eyebrows. It's a wonderful night for teeth! It's a wonderful night for Grinch Night!"

Notes: Equal parts weird (so weird) and great.

The Great Bear Scare

1 Sentence Synopsis: Ted E Bear tries to save Halloween from monsters.

Quote: "Bears are afraid of nothing."

Notes: Adorably scary. Perfect for your young honies. A Halloween special that was made special by watching it with my family.