TO THOSE OF YOU, A LETTER OF GRATITUDE

To those of you who have prayed for us,

or put a full meal in our bellies,

or gave us a laugh when we needed it most--

To those of you who sat at his bedside,

or picked up the phone,

or gave us hugs and held us close--

To childhood neighbors,

and best friends, students,

and old classmates I thought were a ghost--

To those of you who still think of us,

or lift a little of our weight,

Thank you for being here when we need you most.

TODAY

Today,
I have re-read every message,
Checked every missed call,
And thought about how I can be in touch with you from afar.

Its hard to do simple things,
Like wash my clothes,
Or make the bed,
Without thinking of you and wondering.

Is this it for us?
Its painful to imagine,
I kneel on the floor pitifully,
And beg for you back.

If I told you I'd move to Pittsburgh,
Would it make you stay?
I'd pack my bags in a second,
Just please don't go.

Today,
I sit idly and wait.
Hands and heart shaky,
My breaths, shallower than before.

Please,
Dad,
We are not ready.
Please, Dad,
Find your way home.

THE FIGHT, A LETTER TO MY FATHER

Dad,

You are worth leaving work mid-day for,
I know my students will know what to do.

You are worth sitting in a car for half a day and being stuck in Charlotte traffic,
Luke held my hand the entire 10 hours.

You are worth the tears that stream down my face,
So many, my head hurts and I wonder if I can possibly make any more.

You are worth sleepless nights and starting our day at 4:30,
It's hard to close our eyes for too long.

You are worth being afraid of the sound of a telephone ringing,
Every beep, every bell is stressful to hear.

You are worth being camped out in the ICU waiting room,
Our friends and family have been a great support.
By the way, thank you.

You are worth the 40 minutes of CPR,
The broken ribs will heal on their own.

You are worth praying for when I wasn't sure I believed in God,
I've already seen him work miracles in you.

You are worth brushing the hair off of your forehead even when I know you are not awake,
The gentle squeeze of your hand lets me know that you knew.

You are worth sitting in between a sea of machines,
Watching you nod your head and open your eyes gives us new hope.

You are worth asking doctors questions I'm not sure I want the answers to,
I am no longer afraid and trust in their work.

You are worth writing this letter for,
Although my thoughts are scattered, I need this too.

Dad,
You are worth fighting every minute for,
Even though we've been told you're the sickest patient in this hospital, we know you can make it through.

So when you wake up and read this, whether weeks or months from now,
Know you are worth it.

We are here fighting with you.